Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
