there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
