I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
