Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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