She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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