Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
