The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
