We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
