What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
