Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
