I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
