i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
