Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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