I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
