I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Drake has all the answers
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
