don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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