Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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