dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
