very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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