i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
