youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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