Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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