I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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