I want to make a zoo with you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
