I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Randomize
