John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
