i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
