Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This is the high leading the old right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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