I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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