Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
