I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
