I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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