that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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