I feel great
I just peed on a car
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
