She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
