Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
