How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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