Ketchup is God's man juice
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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