He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
