i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
