Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
