if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
