wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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