I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's blow job season.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
