toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
