does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
