I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
