So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They are going to name an STD after you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
