Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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