I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
