the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
