i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize