this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
