my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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