I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish I only lived at night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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