Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize