It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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