1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
