I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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