I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There r osticjed everywhere
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
