"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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