She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
