You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Im part way to drunk.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
