So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize