my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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