since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I love you. Go after that dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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