This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My penis needs a shock collar
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
