he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
