You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
