I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it's like iHOP with fire
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
