her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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