i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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