We're facebook friends in real life
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
