Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
