Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
