They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
