So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
