my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
