I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
