Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
