I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
