Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
