don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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