What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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