I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
