I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
